The Path To Happiness

For the people who want out, but don't have a light; who don't know they're surrounded by love; who bring themselves pain because they can't feel anything else; for those who have nothing left to feel; who are anxious and frightened but won't accept someone else's helping hand; those I can't do anything for because they think I can't-because I don't understand.

For those who need help, but won't accept it. 

Sadness is all around me. Especially lately; or maybe I've only noticed how bad it's gotten lately, even though it could have been there much, much longer. I am not allowed to say or do anything because I seem happy, because there isn't anything wrong with me, so therefore I don't understand and I can't give them what they need because I haven't been there. Countless times I've heard, "You can't help me," "I don't need help," "How can you be so optimistic?" "Why are you even trying?" Or the saddest yet: "I wish I was happy. Like you. I really do." 

I feel lost in a rabbit hole, trying to help those around me that plainly need it, but am told I can't do anything. To them, if I'm not in the same place, the same position, as they are-or if I haven't been- then nothing I do or say will have any effect on them because I don't know. I don't understand, I can't- I haven't been there. I'm happy- therefore I should let them be miserable, nothing more than just a person with kind words and a shoulder to cry on. That breaks my heart. 

You know what I realized? Their misery is making me feel worse- like I am responsible for making them better, because I'm close to them, but at the same time I'm told that there's nothing I can do. Nothing but listen and sit back while some of those closest to me break. "You are happy- you are so optimistic- but you can't make me the same way."

That has some truth to it; I can't make anyone be anything they aren't. But being happy is something that is within everyone- you have a right to be happy. It's not a quality like being able to sing or being a good basketball player- you can't say that you can never be happy the same way you say you can never be tall; everyone, no matter what, can be happy. 

I don't want to be told that I am not able to help someone in any way, shape, or form simply because I am at a point where they would like to be. Just because I am happy doesn't mean I don't feel pain. It doesn't mean I don't get sad, or that I don't have bad days too. Just because everyday isn't a bad day doesn't mean I don't know, to at least a small degree, what that's like. 

And I know I can't just expect people to think about this all in the same way- I can't expect for people to be optimistic when I am, or when they should. But I can expect, however, that they take me seriously when I offer a helping hand, or at least that I can try to actually help them- not just give them meaningless words of kindness in exchange for the words of hate that they will forget before I'm even done talking. That's crushing-especially now that I see how often this occurs in people.  

You know what the saddest part is? Those who need the most, get the least, take the least- and won't accept (and possibly don't recognize) when there is help around them. When there is love around them. They are so bad off that they don't seem to know anything else but that- and don't accept it when you try to show them the way out- when you want to be that light, but they are blind.  

"At the end of the day, all that matters is if you are happy. If you are happy, then it was a good day." 

I've been hearing versions of this recently, said by someone very dear to me, now more often than before. It may be the most truthful thing I have ever heard- and it doesn't get tiring hearing it in multiple ways every now and again. These words get me through the toughest of days; every night I ask myself, "After today, are you still happy?"  And I always answer,
                                        "Yes- it's all that matters."

I would like to think that if everyone accepted the help that they need at any point in their life, then we should have the opportunity to be happy. This is true; but only if there is a helping hand that these people that need it can grab- and I know, not everyone is as helpful to others when they need it so long as they themselves are happy. I realize for some, helping others doesn't make them happy. But they need it. Someone, somewhere, will need you- weather they reach out or not, weather you want to or not. If you are happy, let others get that boost they may need to be so as well- and if you need that boost, take one when offered. Accept love that is around you; look for happiness, don't wait to drown in sorrow.

Ends of Beginnings; Beginning of Ends

         There was some poem or article or something that I was reading the other day-for the life of me I can't remember what it was or anything about it besides one line that caught my attention: "I am happy because of what's happening right now, but I am also sad because I know time will take you away from me eventually; and with that, surely you will take my happiness with you- it is inevitable."

It seems that whenever I think about anything even somewhat important, I tend to always come back to the subject of time. Is that strange? I'd like to think that I'm just more aware of time in general than most people, but maybe I just bring up the subject more than most people would. I don't know; I'm not most people.
I constantly find myself wanting to be able to control time, just like probably most would, wanting to stop at good times and fast forward bad ones. Alas, then I would never grow as a person and although I would be perfectly content, I would also never truly be living.
        This brings us to categorize life events into good and bad; general rule of most memories: Good- keep. Bad- burn pile.[I'd like to think this is what makes me optimistic]  Note: some 'bad' memories are sneakily put into the "keep" pile as well- for necessary reference so I don't repeat them over again, most likely because I was stupid and messed something up. Much like how we avoid repeating history- and inevitably fail. This may or may not be the best way of preventing stupid things to reoccur; it may just be a sad reminder of when or if they do reoccur, at least you have that memory of last time you screwed up like that to make you feel better [sarcasm; also really not fun, but you know, life].

There is a good side to this, however. Back to the good portion of the keep pile- the past events you actually want to remember, and in actuality play over and over again in your head until you find yourself laying in bed for at least 12 hours straight, not really sleeping but not really awake, just replaying either a memory that was so fantastic that you could live in it forever or many memories that have gone fuzzy from trying to remember them so often from so long ago- and then realizing that it is now almost noon and you haven't gotten up yet or done anything [and would rather not anyway]. Hypothetically, of course.
       From these memories, you can break them down into two parts: Beginnings and Ends. Yes, you can make the assumption that all memories have a beginning and end; that is true, but not what I mean. There are good memories that begin something new, start something fresh, hopefully to be repeated. There is also the counter to that- good memories that end something to allow you to begin something else. Although "ends" are typically referenced to as bad, I like to think that some good things have to end in order for those same good things to continue on in a different light or for an entirely different, better new thing to come along.

That doesn't mean ends still aren't sad. That also doesn't mean beginnings have to be happy either; both can go either way. That thought brings us back to the start: "I am happy because of what's happening right now, but I am also sad because I know time will take you away from me eventually; and with that, surely you will take my happiness with you- it is inevitable."

This quote, from whatever by whomever, made me think. Those thoughts came crashing onto me, like a sort of wake-up call. As much alone time I like to get, as far away from people as I like to be, there are a few people that I think I truly couldn't imagine living without. These are the people that make me happy; but these people can and inevitably will be taken away from  me by time. I don't want to think that this future happening will rid me of the happiness I gained from them, however.
I want those few people to be beginnings, not ends. So when the ends of those beginnings happen, they will continue in a different way, and I can still be happy, because that's all that matters.

Conclusion: No matter how much I say the words I miss you, I need you, I love you- and no matter how much I mean them, or how sad that makes me- I have to know that time will bring us forward. Some things have to happen, and will. My fingers are crossed that those things will become beginnings, not ends.